Fumbling
Kerry Egan
(Reviewer - Rebecca Brown)
2004 Doubleday
ISBN: 0385507658

A Pilgrimage Tale of Love, Grief & Spiritual Renewal on the Camino de Santiago.

A year after her father's death, Catholic Kerry Egan, then a 25 year old Harvard Divinity School student, decides, together with her boyfriend & faithful companion, to trek the ancient route of the fabled pilgrimage from the Pyrenees in southern France through the valleys of Navarra across the blazing Spanish plain to finally reach the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela where relics of St. James reside.

Though educated in church & teaching, the manner of her father's death shattered the image of the God Kerry Egan had grown up with, & as she struggles along muddy roads & then through heat exhaustion, blisters & a searing, unforgiving landscape, she is forced to face the grief she has denied.

First though, she must face her anger, inculcated from childhood, as a way to thwart intimacy. Dinnertime in her family's home was a chaotic reenactment of a world war which, as the mashed potatoes congealed, kept everyone quite slim.

So there she is, all fired up with determination to do penance for the sins she's hauled around like prized heirlooms: paramount, of course, is the sin of self-loathing. On this trail she is determined to find out what her purpose in life is, what classes she should sign up for in September, & what prayers she wants answered for her efforts. What she found was beyond her ken.

I really liked this series of memories, the stories of the history of the pilgrimage, & the people who run the refugios -- sometimes quite pleasant hostels, often totally aesthetic -- meaning sparsely furnished & intensely crowded.

I also liked Kerry Egan's account of her “cracking open” -- back in 1999, she was one angry woman, filled with grief, adept at sabotaging any modicum of happiness that might waft her way, hunting for every flaw available. How Alex stays with her, is her compass when she's lost, bearing the brunt of her impressive rage & hopeless longing, is just as exciting as how she stumbles after all the others who have trod along the way for a thousand or more of years.

So, if pilgrims & pilgrimages fascinate you, as they do me, get ready to see visions of a fable land & raw & unrecognized emotions, trip over unexpected comedy & get in touch with both the reason & the value of taking that first step on a journey of discovery, healing & relief.

Outstanding!
(03/12/06)

Rebecca