A Fine Young Man
Michael Gurian
(Reviewer - Rebecca Brown)
1998 Jeremy P.Tarcher/Putnam
ISBN: 0874779693

What Parents, Mentors, and Educators Can do to Shape Adolescent Boys into Exceptional Men. A revolutionary & immensely practical vision of male adolescence, helping shepherd boys through the challenging ages of ten to twenty.

Back in those "good old days" when the sons of our clans were ceremonially transferred to their fathers & uncles once breast feeding was finished, our sons were nurtured, taught & trained by their male elders who devised tests, teachings & rituals for our tyros. In modern homogeneous societies our sons are left to wade through the flood tides of adolescence on their own: disaffected, discouraged & disturbed. What we sow we do reap.

As a single mom this was a hard book for me to read. I had no problem finding mentors for my daughter - there were always other mothers & teachers. Finding mentors for my son was problematic. At least I did recognize he needed male role models & decent human beings at that.

In A Fine Young Man Michael Gurian gives us a swift, fluent & readily digestible version of the Adolescent Male 101. For those of us in the body female - this is fascinating, validating & enlightening. For those of us in the body male I expect it's all of that with the added feature of being familiar! I sure hope so!

We are introduced to Boys on Fire, leaping to The Next Level & then on to Nature and Nurture: Adolescent Male Biology and Culture. All common & elementary stuff you groan, who doesn't know this? Apparently enough of us for entire generations of disaffected, dysfunctional & dissed American males to be reaching the legal age of adulthood. Enough of us are not wizing-up to the fact that we're raising generations of damaged, dangerous & deadly young men.

Michael Gurian's A Fine Young Man is in Four Parts: The Emotional Lives of Adolescent Males; The Journey to Manhood: The Three Stages of Male Adolescence; Educating Adolescent Boys & The Refining Fire: Caring for the Spirit of Our Young Men.

Each Part is divided into chapters &/or stages. Each is concise, clear & constructive: The Declining Safety of Our Adolescent Boys; Drugs, Alcohol, and the Depression Link; Bravado and Beyond; Adolescent Males in Shock; Redefining the Purpose of Male Adolescence; Adolescent Boys Need Clans; A Three-Stage Program for Raising Boys into Men; Autonomy and the Mother-Son Relationship, to name but a few.

Vital to the process are the four major quests our sons must go on if they are to transform into healthy men: The Search for Identity, Autonomy, Morality & Intimacy. Michael Gurian has given us some useful, practical & applicable ideas & information.

My brothers went to all-male schools & I went to all-female schools. I watched my daughter & son struggle their confused & distracted way through 12 years of mixed-gender schooling with a preponderance of women teachers; women who, often, felt adolescent males were a distraction & used them as scapegoats. I dealt with that yearly on behalf of my son.

I was in one of the last generations whom teachers called by our family name & who, in turn, always addressed our teachers with respect or face the consequences of corporal punishment. Overall, however, there was an immense & unshakeable respect for the learning of knowledge no matter by which means: sports, study or play.

I know when my son was navigating through the shoals of American public schooling I was frequently shocked by the disrespect toward learning. My son's "virtual" world meant more. I suppose my love of reading over just about anything else, especially chores, was a world of virtuality too. It seemed to me my children were learning frivolous, infantile things in effete lessons.

I know I gave my son some nose-to-nose confrontations; I know we found mentors over the years although I saw no lasting affect from their company, until he was in his twenties.

Yes, this is as difficult read - even as all my mistakes flare up like rockets on the Fourth of July - whoosh - I blew that one! Whiz - that one flashed right by me! I know now, after reading Michael Gurian's A Fine Young Man that I missed a lot of clues - not because I was a dumb mother, simply because I am female & my son is male. Some of the stuff in A Fine Young Man simply would not have occurred to me!

This was a wonderful read which I recommend for anyone living with, around, for, beside young boys. A read that will open up your mind, make clear some of the incomprehensible differences that beset the raising of boys & develop paths upon which to lead, teach & train our beloved sons so that they may enter their manhood knowing who, why & what they are.

I encourage you to read A Fine Young Man & give copies to all the people you know who are raising sons - perhaps even give it to their teachers, coaches, librarians et al. What a moving, informative & useful book!

Do catch my Interview with Michael Gurian -- you will surely enjoy it!

Also by Michael Gurian:
Books: The Wonder of Girls, The Wonder of Boys; Love's Journey; Mothers, Sons and Lovers; The Prince and the King
Videotapes: The Role of the Mentor; Understanding the Mother/Son Relationships; Are You Tough Enough?
Audiotapes: The Wonder of Boys; Mothers and Sons; The Prince and the King
(07/25/99)

Rebecca