Being A Dad
Dale Alderman
(Reviewer - Rebecca Brown)
2003 iUniverse
ISBN: 0595296173

The Stuff No One Told Me.

Before he became a father, no one told Dale Alderman what he needed to know, like how to deal with a rampaging three-year-old at the circus, or how to corral two boys before they demolish a restaurant.

In his Introduction, Dale Alderman writes: “I love being a dad. My boys make me laugh every day. Chase, my seven-year-old son, is already much smarter than I am. Logan, a turbocharged three-year-old, has a thousand-watt smile and a burning desire to be a superhero. Both boys are goofballs, just like me, and I love them more than they will ever know” ... until they grow up & read this book!

This is not a technical, frowning, chiding read, although many a true word has been written in jest, Being A Dad is all about the adventure of relationships, of growing up funny.

Naturally, Being A Dad starts out with the birth of his first son ... two weeks late ... “For some reason, the little rascal didn't want to come out of his comfortable kiddie condo...” & there is Dale's professional labor & delivery nurse wife, Starla, having fits because this time ... it's her!

The father-to-be wasn't faring too well either! & so the chaos of a C-section rattles this thoroughly modern man's bones. For two days he's crammed full of information which he promptly forgets once he gets home, & then Starla sends him on a mission. Man in the feminine products aisle.

Two things have just happened:
1.  This man is squarely in the middle of “no one told me about this” territory &
2.  he's just made a note to himself to “don't ask why.”

& so, like a situation comedy, we stumble into those body parts human mammals have been dazzling males with for donkeys years & the trials of the newly fledged daddy.

On, on this crazy ride gallops, however, unlike those rides at the fairs, fatherhood has no end, from the first time he's trapped alone in a room with a newborn to the surprises of brand new anatomy to watching the money disappear & on, the pratfalls, the earthy jokes & the misunderstandings turn this man into a father.

I thoroughly enjoyed Being A Dad, looking at parenthood from the other side. Dale Alderman has written both an entertaining comedy as well as a modernday soap opera of the oldest of stories, & men need to know they can laugh & show terror when around their offspring, before they spring off to college or career.

I wanted to tell you which stories had me howling, the trouble is, each & every one of the 121 pages in this little book gave me giggles. However, I excerpt from one of the best -- The Farmer Cuts the Cheese:
     "I overhead Chase talking to Starla in the kitchen: “Hey, Mom ... great hooters,” he blurted without considering the consequences of this actions.
     “Where did you hear that?” she asked. I have the right to remain silent. Anything he says can and will be held against me for the next 50 years.
     “Dad said it when he saw a girl at the mall this morning.” Dead man walkin'."

Well done! Certainly for everyman you know who watches tv, doesn't understand women & who's a Dad -- it'll do them good to know they're not alone!

Dale Alderman lives in Virginia with his wife & sons. For 19 years he worked as a marketing executive until he decided to get a real life & become a writer. In his spare time, he avoids the gymn & watches movies with his kids.
(06/06/04)

Rebecca