Cops Don't Cry
 Vali Stone
 (Reviewed by The Editor - Rebecca Brown)
 1999 Creative Bound Press
  ISBN: 0921165625
Amazon's price is: $17.95
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A book of help and hope for police families.

Policing has been an all-consuming profession with remarkably high elements of stress, even more so since 9/11. Research suggests police divorces are more than double those of ordinary marriages. The spouse's fear of physical danger, adjusting to shift work, transfers & changes in the officer's personality are only a few of the contributing factors, most crucial however, is the breakdown of communication within the relationship.

“Most of us can't understand why anyone in their right mind would choose police work.” (Page 15) Now you can find out why. You can also find out what are the advantages of being married to a police officer, as well as the drawbacks.

From the beginning of officers' careers they are trained to control their emotions, & are often accused of being cold-hearted (this can also be said of soldiers, doctors, public leaders & firefighters). It is police work, however, more than any other profession that is always, 24x7, involved in the dark side of life. Spouses agree that while law enforcement officers do grapple with the real horrors of their jobs, there is a bitter belief that cops don't cry...now you can find out why.

Canadian Vali Stone conducted interviews & surveys from which she has quoted extensively & added them to her own personal experience within the distinctive lifestyle of the police community, to bring together her information & insights into how to sustain a supportive & enduring marriage & family life--“...positive reinforcement is the key to a happy, healthy & productive police officer.” (Page 10)

When your spouse is presenting symptoms of job-related stress, such as lethargy, interrupted sleep patterns, changes in eating & drinking habits, exercise routines or involvement with family, with mood swings all over the place, a tendency toward frequent violent arguments, with imminent or actual physical fighting, or signs (like bruising) of self-inflicted harm (a phenomenon exclusive to police work), she repeatedly urges you to get help--immediately, from friends, clergy, the police assistance services. Doing nothing about it will not make it “go away” & will, ultimately, ensure defeat of your marriage & possibly suicide or spousal abuse.

Chapter titles are: Cops and Robbers; Love That Uniform; Next Shift!; Life on the Street: A Typical Midnight Shift; Demands of the Job; Free from Fear; Kids Count; I Smell Bacon; No Money, Honey!; A Heavy Price; For Better or Worse. With appendices about Surviving Shift Work, What To Do About Fear & Success in Relationships.

Cops Don't Cry is a serious & good book to read, no matter which profession you or your spouse is in. It is a look at how couples live together, through “better & worse,” & what those old-fashioned attributes such as loyalty, compassion, & living a public life can be.

Well done! Highly recommended.
(05/25/03)

Rebecca