ScreamFree Parenting
Hal Edward Runkel, LMFT
(Reviewer - Rebecca Brown)
2005 ScreamFree Living, Inc.
ISBN: 0975998110

Becoming the “Cool” Parent Your Kids Really Need.

Okay, it's not as “icky” as you might at first think... ScreamFree^™ Parenting is a self-help seminar to growing up... as a parent, complete with Question sections & real-life stories.

“We've been operating with a model that says in order to have healthy relationships, we need to focus on meeting other people's needs, trying to serve them and make them happy.” (Page 20)

Long ago & faraway I raised a brace of kiddipoos... I was no Spring Chicken when the first one popped out of the oven so I was already over any angst I might have had over the way my Mater & Pater raised me... in fact I referred to their methods frequently... daily. However, in today's Baby Boomers/ apologist/ working parents/ politically correct/ “spare the rod & spoil the child”/ “question authority”, & abdication of parental responsibility... it's a very different story... & I see it all the time in libraries, stores & on tv... especially on those bizarre yet fascinating Super Nanny shows. Children are running amok & parents are demoralized doormats.

“Even if you could control your kids, should you? Is that what parenting is all about? And what if it's not the kids who are out of control?” (ibid)

Hal Edward Runkel has a passel of reasons along with a bushel of answers, all of them based on the principle that by focusing yourselves as a married couple
by showing up in your life
by calming yourself
by operating less from your fears & more from your higher worth, you can & will retrieve your family from the brink of insanity & dissolution.

“We crave a relationship with each of our kids that springs from respect and their authentic choice, not from our heavy-handed or passive-aggressive manipulation...” (Page 234)

I came up during & after WWII, at the tail end of the “Children Should Be Seen & Not Heard” era. The only reason a kid screamed was from hurt or danger -- we all were told the story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf... repeatedly. Sure kids laughed, sang, shouted & squabbled but... scream... at their parents? No way! Throw tantrums? The sore bum & supperless night cured you of such displays of unfettered emoting, lickety-split. At no time did I ever think my parents weren't grown ups. They made sure I knew that! How? By showing me how grown-ups behaved & that a child's life was all about learning to live with them, not the other way around.

So why are so many American children screamers? Why are they so “out of control”? Why are so many American parents helpless? Why are they “out of control” of their children?

“You cannot orbit around your child without giving her the impression that the world revolves around her.” (Page 118)

I heard recently that if you haven't imprinted your children with certain & inalienable behaviors by the time they're five years of age, you've lost any chance of raising responsible, considerate, productive & healthy adults.

“All patterns, no matter how ingrained, can be changed”. (Page 156)

However, raising children isn't only about them... & ScreamFree Parenting is all about that, & family dynamics. It's quite a sign of the times that we actually have to have a book about this subject...

I have also learnt that the unit we call the family is all about life in a pack... as in Alpha Dad & Alpha Mom... just like Wolves & Dogs. Calm down... your shrieking about how humans are better than that, more than that is deafening... & we're not! & the longer you wallow in the beliefs that have you kowtowing to your Rug Rats, the longer you'll all dwell in hell.

Grow up, already! & to that end grab a couple of copies of ScreamFree Parenting & together dive in at the beginning, which is important -- no skipping here & there because growing up is a logical progression. Read on through to the end, then start all over again. You'll groan, laugh, cringe & cry... my, oh my! Am I really doing that? Am I really like that? Is that the reason they do...? So that's why they're like...?

ScreamFree Parenting is definitely a book every expectant Mom & Dad should read so that by the time your first offspring joins you, you'll have gotten a head start on this ancient, ancient craft.

A lively, useful & eye-opening seminar, if a tad too “sweet & soft”, too “fangless & toothless” for my taste. Perhaps that's because I'm a war baby & used to certain kinds of authority... I wonder how any of this will play out at boarding school, camp, college or in the armed services all of which practice different forms of training -- & that's all parenting is -- training your children to become the best adults they can be by being the best adults you can be.

It could have done with an Index. www.screamfree.com
(08/14/05)

Rebecca