The Dance of Fear
Harriet Lerner, PhD
(Reviewer - Rebecca Brown)
2005 Perennial Currents/HarperCollins
ISBN: 0060081589

Rising Above Anxiety, Fear, & Shame to Be Your Best & Bravest Self.

I've been a Dr. Lerner fan since I first discovered her Women in Therapy in paperback in 1989. She's a bold writer who doesn't shy away from calling an envy by its proper name -- one I cannot use here in this family rated site -- suffice to say, as a longtime feminist, this good doctor's premise, stated in her first chapter, rang all my bells. & so I followed along over the years on her “Dances”, learning, learning, learning as I read.

As in all her books, Dr. Lerner teaches by stories. That she uses the word “Dance” in her titles lets you know life with people is a tango -- sometimes you lead & sometimes you follow, & if you know what makes you tick, who's doing what isn't nearly as important as who's in charge of you, & that talking it out is the one thing that really works.

Unlike her earlier books, this time Dr. Lerner writes about our post-9/11 anxiety & grief, when much is written about its effects on our collective psyche & an individual trauma when “Even close friends and family members may not want to hear your experience... or... all of it... While an individual crisis is different from a tragedy of devastating magnitude, fear is a universal human experience that can serve to bring us together if we learn to respond to it wisely. Sooner or later the universe sends everybody a crash course in vulnerability and a lesson in how much we need people.” (p. 9)

In The Dance of Fear she invites us to look into our shadows to see of what they're made. As the back cover says: no one signs up for anxiety, fear & shame although we can't avoid them. In her enlightening & teaching stories she explains how:
 • anxiety is our friend
 • to be cured of the fear of rejection
 • to deal with the fear of not being or looking good enough
 • to stay calm & clear in a stressful workplace
 • to manage when life sends a crash course in illness, vulnerability & loss.

Dr. Lerner doesn't write trite self-help hand books, the questions she asks & the answers people give her set the scene for her articulate insights. Take time to read The Dance of Fear because it's about what these emotions are, how we behave because of them, what harm happens when we don't know what's driving us, & how we react to events, great & small, that have us frozen in the headlights of life.

A deeply healing & thoughtful read.

More from Harriet Lerner:
The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships
The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate
The Dance of Deception: A Guide to Authenticity and Truth-Telling in Women's Relationships
The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life, & more!
(01/01/06)

Rebecca