Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion
Robert & Lisa Firestone, Joyce Catlett
(Reviewer - Dr. Alma Bond)
2003 American Psychological Association
ISBN: 159147020X

The Wisdom of Psychotherapy.

A compilation of mature therapeutic insights that are valuable in achieving a better way of living, describing a unique experiment in applied psychology whereby a group of individuals overcame a wide range of defensive behaviors & transformed their lives. The book documents the knowledge they acquired along the way & offers corrective suggestions that are based on their experiences. It points out the value of leading a life marked by adventure & recreation, transcendent goals, & spiritual exploration.

Sr. Associate Reviewer Dr. Alma Bond writes:

Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion: The Wisdom of Psychotherapy is a story shrink-wrapped in academia about a wonderful group Dr. Firestone belongs to which has lasted for thirty years & spans three generations. The system places its highest values on the psychological & material welfare of each individual, & emphasizes each member's autonomy, personal freedom, & economic well-being. People are considered an “end in themselves,” & never a means to serve an outside entity. The only rule for members is that they must say the truth about what they think, feel & dream. No subject is taboo, so long as it is the truth. Over the years, such sustained exercises in truth telling have allowed these members to give up their defenses against feeling and to live fuller lives. As the authors say, “Only the truth can set us free” (p. 364).

Because of defenses formed early in life, most people are unable to achieve their potential as human beings. Their defenses were set up in order to protect them from the pain of childhood deprivation, rejection, & fear of death. Unfortunately, they also ward off feelings of happiness & pleasure. According to the authors, it is only by experiencing the painful emotions that life brings to us all that people are able to feel joy & genuine happiness. In contrast, those who can experience deep feelings live in a world that is constantly changing, & is a continuous adventure. These individuals develop a depth of compassion & basic trust in others, & become able to give up the hurtful behaviors they may have demonstrated in earlier relationships. Such people even look different from others, in their warmth, openness, & vitality.

One of the most important emotions people habitually suppress is anger, with devastating results to their relationships, child rearing practices, & worldly & professional success. According to the authors (p. 329), “All people should be free to speak their minds, without inhibitions, even if they speak the unspeakable.” An important task of the Friendship Circle is to teach people the proper control & use of their anger. No one is ever judged there for his or her feelings, but only on unacceptable actions.

One corrective technique found useful in the Circle is to ask members how much their anger has to do with the present situation & how much with events of the past. Revealing such feelings to others helps the process of reality-testing, & allows the individual to explore other options in dealing with unpleasant feelings. As people progress emotionally they learn to develop a new perspective on anger & to see it as a natural & automatic response to frustration, which can be extremely useful for both the individual & society. Feelings of anger supply the energy required for “fight or flight” reactions, & provide the motor power needed in self-defense & for protection of the tribe. In addition, in present day society, there is much cause for anger at social injustices. Such feelings produce the energy necessary to alter destructive behavior.

The results of what sounds so simple are indeed astounding, like a true life Shangri-La. They range from the raising of healthy teen-agers, the establishment & running of successful businesses together, the development of wholesome families, overcoming the generation gap, the establishment of a ruling government which has very little to do, the formation of lifelong friendships, & the abolishment of sexism, ageism, & racism.

Perhaps the finest achievement of the group deals with how they handled a potential disaster among their adolescent children. In 1971, they discovered that some of their children had been experimenting with drugs. As a result, one of the members who had a natural rapport with teenagers was asked to lead them in a discussion group. The children, most of whom were then between 10 & 13 years old, met once a week to discuss their thoughts, feelings, goals, a sense of alienation from their parents, competitiveness, & their emerging sexuality. After several months, they invited their parents to join the talks. The expression of true feelings during these sessions brought about a truly mind-boggling result. The teenagers gave up drugs, & the inter-generational gap gradually dissolved.

The miracle did not end there. In 1973, the parents of the original five families bought an unfinished 85-foot schooner. The participants learned to work together, & were able to complete work on the boat. Most significantly, in November, 1976, the schooner set sail of a 17-month voyage around the world. Parts of the journey were made by the 11 teenagers alone, with no adult supervision. During the years of preparation, they had learned the basics of boat-handling, engine mechanics, electronics, navigation, & medical care. During several fierce storms, the adolescents were completely on their own, & found that talking about their fears under conditions in which moral & team spirit was essential, may well have led to their survival. One must admire the courage of the teenagers in undertaking such a life threatening enterprise, & also of the parents who allowed their children to attempt so dangerous a journey.

While the teenagers were away, many of the parents were equally busy in expanding their lives. They began businesses together. When the children returned from their voyage, several joined the companies & became involved in positions of leadership. The businesses flourished, & led to extraordinary financial success.

A word should be said on the decline of depth psychology & psychotherapy in the past 30 years. In the 1950s to the 70s, psychoanalysis & depth psychology were held in high esteem throughout the civilized world & were highly influential in bringing about a cultural revolution. This situation, sadly enough, no longer exists. According to the authors (p. 349), the efforts to suppress knowledge & insight are on a par with book-burning & brainwashing, & “can be attributed in large part to (a) reactionary movement that sought, among other things, to deny the veracity of insights achieved by both patients and therapists in the treatment modality ... Malevolent societal forces have succeeded in almost completely suppressing important knowledge concerning the widespread incidence of emotional, physical, and sexual child abuse and other destructive practices in ‘normal’ families and their long-term harmful effects on adult individuals ... and transformed it from a creative, compassionate enterprise to a weak and frightened community of mental health professionals dispensing drugs and quick fixes that support the status quo.” Natural laboratories such as the Friendship Circle are one way to stem the reactionary tide that is depriving humanity of the benefits of authentic psychotherapy.

Whoever said, “If it looks too good to be true, it probably is” was right on target here. Magnificent as the accomplishments of the Friendship Circle sound, I am somewhat skeptical of the unrelieved number & degree of miracles attributed to it. The book would be more believable if the authors had included some disappointments experienced by group members, despite all the efforts of the therapists & members. Didn't anyone ever quit in a huff, get drunk, or leave his or her mate? Have an affair with the wife or husband of a group member? Did none of the many children turn out badly? Not even one teen-ager? Didn't anyone in the group ever fail at anything? Sometimes, no matter how exemplary a setting, people just need to get away from it. Even in the movie, Lost Horizon, the character of Margo wanted to leave Shangri-La. Freud once said that sometimes people are just rotten, even after analysis. Could Dr. Firestone's group cure even that? Including some failures & unresolved problems in the book would have left investigators with some place to go, in addition to merely repeating the truly marvelous results of the Friendship Circle.

Despite what is arguably a shortcoming, Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion: The Wisdom of Psychotherapy is an outgrowth of a living psychological laboratory which makes an essential contribution to the storehouse of human knowledge. It is highly recommended for therapists, psychologists, students, & all those who desire a better life for themselves & their children.

More from The Authors:
Robert W. Firestone:
The Fantasy Bond
Compassionate Child-Rearing
Fear of Intimacy

Lisa A. Firestone:
Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice; The Firestone Assessment of Self-Destructive Thoughts; Voices in Suicide; The Treatment of Sylvia Plath

Joyce Catlett has collaborated with Robert W. Firestone in writing 10 books. She has co-produced 37 educational videos for the Glendon Association. Developed the Compassionate Child-Rearing Parent Education Program, a child abuse prevention model curriculum.
(06/27/04)

Dr. Alma Bond
2004©Alma Bond
A RebeccasReads.Com Sr. Associate Reviewer

A RebeccasReads author featured in Authors & Books

Reviewer's Bio:
Dr. Alma Halbert Bond is the author of ten published books, including:
The Deadly Jigsaw Puzzle;
The Tree That Could Fly;
Tales Of Psychology (2004);
I Married Dr. Jekyll And Woke Up Mrs. Hyde (2000);
The Autobiography Of Maria Callas, A Novel (1998);
On Becoming A Grandparent: A Diary of Family Discovery (1994);
Who Killed Virginia Woolf? A Psychobiography (1998);
Profiles of Key West (1996).

She recently recorded her new manuscript, Old Age Is A Terminal Illness, as an audio book.

She is also the author of a just published children's picture book called The Tree That Could Fly.

Dr. Bond teaches Psychology & Writing online at WriterSchool.