The Tending Instinct
Shelley E. Taylor (Reviewed by The Editor - Rebecca Brown)
2002 Time Books/Henry Holt & Co
ISBN: 0805068376
How Nurturing Is Essential to Who We Are and How We Live.
It surely is a sign of how deeply we have inculcated anthroplogists' take on our species that we actually balk at the idea there is any other way of looking at who we are & how we live! Anyone who has delved into the anthropological sciences will notice the past 30 years as brought about a tectonic shift concerning “our” perceptions of what makes us humans tick.
In her studies, Shelley E. Taylor unearthed a heretofore unasked & unanswered vein of perception. In fact, she discovered a motherlode overlooked by our male counterparts in this field of exploration. Overlooked because up until recently, men thought of humanity only in their terms, as if both genders of our species lived for exactly the same reasons & that our responses to life as seen, known & recorded by the male of the species were not only the only ones, they were the only “correct” ones. Thus, whatever women thought or perceived or did was of no consequence, unless it was in reaction to the presence of males.
Anthropology: anthropo: Greek, man or one with bearded face. The study of humans, by men, especially of the variety, physical & cultural characteristics, distribution, customs, social relationships, etc. of humanity Gynepology: gyne: Greek, woman. The study of humans from the female perspective. Not yet an accepted traditional science.
Decades ago, within the first 15 minutes of my first class in anthropology at a community college, the instructor declared, before his audience of predominantly female students, he didn't believe in Feminism & that the anthropology he was going to teach was of the traditional kind. He warned us he would brook no debates about its findings nor arguments about insights from looking at the proven data through the eyes of women. Anthropology is based on the male perspective & is, therefore, the right one. Any succeeding thought we women might have is not valid. For all of its infancy, the science of anthropology ignored women's view of the world. By dismissing women's explorations men have missed a whole half of the whole point. Coming of Age in Samoa by Margaret Mead springs to mind as well as my Old Friend, Understanding Other Cultures by Ina Corinne Brown, now long out of print.
So books like The Tending Instinct are not only well received by me, they tickle my toes, stretch my imagination & unveil a whole other way of looking at the way we live, as well as giving me much to think about. Once we get past the bickering about the provenance of women scientists' theories, my Beloved & I usually set about expanding our understanding of who we are, & why we do what we do.
In The Tending Instinct, it is all about stress: the traditionally accepted concept that humans in stress only function from the much-vaunted “fight or flight” reaction/instinct. This book unveils just how much nurturing & companionship (“tend & befriend”), is a predominant reaction of females to stress, no matter the species.
While not accepted by “proper scientists”, there are all sorts of minor experiments you can do to see the results of what neglect or praise, solitude or touching have on us, our children & the animals in our care.
Chapter themes of The Tending Instinct are:
• The Power of Tending
• The Origins of Tending
• The Tending Brain
• Good and Bad Tending
• A Little Help from Friends and Strangers
• Women Befriending
• Tending in Marriage
• Men's Groups
• Where Altruism May Reside
• The Social Context of Tending
• The Tending Society
The Tending Instinct is a powerful, transformative read. It deals with both old & new ideas about community, society, morality & how women & men think about their lives, how we interact & cope with stress.
The Tending Instinct is a controversial book based on the one Big Question I've been thinking about most of my life: What if society is a lie? & it is, & Shelley E. Taylor has just validated that.
Very good stuff! Well written, well-researched, informative & everso interesting. You will find yourself nodding, saying, “Of course!”
Shelley E. Taylor is a Professor of Psychology at UCLA & is a world-renowned expert on stress & health who has authored more than 200 scientific papers. Her work on the “tend & befriend” theory has been profiled in newspapers, magazine & on television. She is the recipient of the Outstanding Scientific Contribution Award in Health Psychology, The Donald Campbell Award on Social Psychology, Yale University's Wilbus Lucius Cross Medal, & the prestigious Distinguished Scientific Contribution Award of the American Psychological Association.
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