Bullies To Buddies
Izzy Kalman
(Reviewer - Rebecca Brown)
2005 The Wisdom Page
ISBN: 0970648219

How to turn your enemies into friends!

Bullies. Who needs them? Have you been dreaming of a bully-free life? Ain't going to happen, however, Bullies To Buddies has some great news! No matter how your bullies have been treating you, with practice you have the power to change that.

Learn how to handle:
 • name-calling
 • physical attacks
 • rumors
 • exclusion from cliques
 • racial & disabilities insults
 • Internet bullying
 • tough parents & teachers
 • mean siblings.

I came up behind three brothers who were avid teasers. Naturally I reacted as any little girl will, bleating & whining all the way to Mater's knees. Her response? “Ignore them. Eventually, they'll get bored & stop.” Yeah, right! Well, it seems the older I get the righter my Mum's wisdom gets... almost... because “ignoring” never really worked. Bullies To Buddies teaches what my Mater didn't know to teach: why kids (& adults!) tease & taunt (bully), why you're being bullied (& it's not because of who you are!), & how to transform that bullying into something else.

I do like Izzy Kalman's style. What he wants us to learn is explained in a way that's easy to “get”, & offers dialogues & examples of all sorts of situations which can be tailored to your specific experiences.

I like the “games” he gets us to “play” -- practice -- they're not as simple as they look & yet are really, really understandable & effective -- what will be tough is re-training yourself -- so keep practicing!

Of course, what Izzy Kalman's offering has deep roots in all our philosophies & religions. It's the original Golden Rule: “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” or “don't do to others what you don't want done to you.” Jesus said “turn the other cheek” & if you think stopping one bully from pestering you in your school is tough, imagine what it must have been like to stop an entire race of people from bullying another as did Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela & Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

So, what's wrong with telling on the bullies so our parents & school adults can stop the bullying? They can't... & it'll only build resentment & ideas of revenge. Also, you'll never learn how to handle yourself in these situations, & if you think grown-ups don't bully each other, think again.

It should come as no surprise that just about every kid who ever went to school with the intention of blowing it up or blowing away his tormenters was the victim of incessant bullying. We all know bullying is mean, & how wonderful life would be if, magically, everyone stopped doing it. Dream on, because bullying is a fact of life, & if you're a “good” victim -- meaning you're someone who reacts to bullying by losing control of yourself, by engaging with your tormenters -- they'll bully you even more. It's like there's an invisible sign hanging over you: “I'm the perfect target! Make my day, insult me!”

& no, I'm not being facetious. & yes, I know from bullying & teasing. You don't get through 12 years of being the only Jew in Christian schools without it. Sometimes I gave as good as I got, which escalated into fights (& yes, girls do fight), & sometimes I turned a deaf ear, which only left me seething. By the time I got to high school, however, I'd learnt that humor, or a placid response to the taunts de-fused the attacks, &, surprise, surprise, turned the bullies into friends! Not my “best” friends, mind you, still, people who respected me & my principles.

Before you get all twisted out of shape thinking I'm “blaming the victim” -- I'm not, & neither is Izzy Kalman. Far from it! Once you've read Bullies To Buddies, you'll see why.

Bullies To Buddies teaches us: Who Can Help You; Why You Are Picked On; Why You Need Power; The Carrot or the Stick; What Bullies Want; Refuse to Get Mad; Keep Your Sense of Humor; How to Handle Insults, & much, much more. & yes, there's a Quiz at the end of each section.

As a school psychologist & psychotherapist for 25 years, Izzy Kalman has seen his lessons work, & now he wants to reach out & teach more & more “victims” how to get the bullies to stop, & turn them from your enemies into your friends -- your contemporaries at school, your siblings & parents at home.

Bullies To Buddies covers a lot of ground: from animal behavior & instincts, to life in nature & in civilization, families & contemporaries, to responsibility & power.

Bullies To Buddies is a very good teaching book which adults & youngsters, parents & children need to read, & practice to transform the quality of their lives, & bring more freedom, respect & cooperation into homes, schools, workplaces & playgrounds.

Izzy Kalman, MS, NCSP, has developed some simple yet powerful methods for dealing with children's aggression. In contrast to most anti-bullying approaches, he teaches kids how to solve their own problems without anyone's help... or getting anyone in trouble.

Ages 10+. - www.Bullies2Buddies.com
(03/27/05)

Rebecca