Rebecca :
This book is about the results of a study you began, The Divorce Questionnaire -- why?
Alma :
Years ago, with more than a touch of naivete, I was impressed by newspaper accounts of the happy marriage of Barbra Streisand & Elliot Gould. To me, they sounded like the perfect couple, who genuinely cared for & treated each other with tenderness & consideration, had common interests, & were concerned & loving parents to their son Jason. It was a nice feeling to “know“ that at least one of my favorite movie stars (& I have always been star struck) was happily married.
For some unknown reason, perhaps a trip abroad, I missed any newspaper accounts which might have told a different story. On reading Anne Edwards' Streisand recently, I was shocked to learn that after ten years of seemingly happy married life, the couple had divorced. What Happens to Love? I wondered. What could wrench apart a seemingly perfectly matched couple? I continued ruminating about it. Why do so many marriages today fail? So I decided to begin a study in which I would interview divorced women & look for some sense in the dreadful statistic.
Rebecca :
How would you suggest a reader approach this book?
Alma :
It depends on the individual. Some divorcees (perhaps most) look for stories similar to their own, & begin there. One friend of mine -- a man, incidentally -- reads them one at a time, as he says that he prefers to savor each one. For readers looking for an overall view of the divorce situation as it exists today in the U.S., it would make sense to start at the beginning of the book. Professionals in the field might do well to read the conclusions chapter & the statistical tables first.
Rebecca :
Why did you let each woman's story stand on its own without an attached analysis until a general analysis at the end of the book?
Alma :
My goal was to capture on paper the true 'voice' of each woman as I heard it, with all the directness, bravery, pathos, & pain communicated by the teller. I wanted the book to be the women's stories: not Alma Bond's stories about these women.
Rebecca :
How did the titles of the stories make themselves known to you?
Alma :
The theme of each story seemed to reach out & call to me. It was a lot of fun finding the right title for each woman.
Rebecca :
Isn't discussing the breakup of a marriage, well, er...embarrassing, private, a grim admission of failure?
Alma :
A few possible subjects thought so & didn't participate. Since the responses were anonymous, this did not seem much of a problem. Most of the women found the questionnaire very therapeutic. A few even thanked me for the “session”.
Rebecca :
Given that half of all marriages in the US nowadays end in divorce -- you write about a “culture of divorce” -- would you expand on that?
Alma :
In my day, & that of my parents, divorce was unthinkable for most people. Whatever happened, you made do. We were brought up to feel that it was the woman's place to make a marriage work. An Italian patient of mine said his mother's philosophy of life was compatrice (I think that was the word for “patience” or “bear with it.” -- you get the idea.) Nowadays, with the views of Feminism & the widespread knowledge about abusers, it is no longer considered praiseworthy to make a bad marriage last. By & large, divorce is assumed to be a better alternative.
Rebecca :
One of the questions you ask is if they had to do it again would they? What were the ratios of yesses to nos?
Alma :
58.6% of the women said they would not do it again, if they had the chance. 41.4% said they would. Most of the yesses answered in that manner because of their pleasure in their children.
Rebecca :
Yes, I would imagine that. When I decided to “answer“ the actual questionnaire you used & include at the back of the book -- I was shocked. Should only divorced women & professionals read this book?
Alma :
I'm sorry you were shocked -- I believe everyone should know the truth. “The truth shall make you free.”
Rebecca :
Oh, I was “shocked” in a good way! Did men see your site & write to you?
Alma :
Yes, many men wrote to me. Some wanted their stories to be included in the book. I told them that perhaps I would follow up with a second book giving the divorced mens' stories. When it seemed appropriate, I included the responses of two men in I Married Dr. Jekyll....
Rebecca :
In your Conclusions you write about how the Declaration of Independence Was Not Designed For Women, could you explain a little?
Alma :
It says that all men are created equal. For centuries, the abused &/or unhappy woman continued to suffer by the side of her Lord & Master, with the full cooperation of the law.
Rebecca :
What are you up to now?
Alma :
I am working on the biography of Camille Claudel, the great sculptor who was the mistress, student & colleague of Rodin. She is another instance of a woman robbed of her birthright as an artist & a woman, who was driven to insanity by the maltreatment of a man, in this case Rodin.
Rebecca :
Thank you, Dr. Bond, this book was a tough & enlightening read. I commend you on giving us these womens' wisdom & for giving of your time to participate in this Interview.
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