Rebecca Brown's Interview with
Gary Buffone, PH.D.
Author of
Choking on the Silver Spoon:
Keeping Your Kids Healthy, Wealthy and Wise
in a Land of Plenty

Rebecca:
I was attracted to this title because of my post-WWII childhood when everything was rationed simply because there wasn't enough of anything to go around, no matter if your parents had the money. While raising my children thirty years later, I was confronted with the embarrassment of riches to be found just about anywhere in America. Then I read Dr. Buffone's Choking on the Silver Spoon, & simply wanted to know more.

So my first question has to be, while you wrote this for parents bringing home over a hundred grand of bacon a year, can what you have to teach apply to families of any income?

Dr. Buffone:
Definitely. Even though the more parents have the bigger the mistakes, any parent, no matter what their net worth, can spoil a child rotten. Over-indulging children is much more about a style of parenting than net worth & occurs when parents give their kids more things & money than nurturing & time.

Rebecca:
What is the Silver Spoon Syndrome?

Dr. Buffone:
The Silver Spoon Syndrome is all about parents using more money than good sense in raising their children. Parents, often well intentioned & working hard to give their kids the best, begin to mistakenly focus on giving them a materially good lifestyle while shortchanging them in the nurturing department. This leads to all sorts of problems or what I refer to as the ‘core symptoms’ of the Syndrome which include feelings of entitlement, low-frustration tolerance, distorted values, financial illiteracy & irresponsibility, & lack of drive & achievement.

Rebecca:
How did you come to be a coach for rich parents, & how are they different, & rich children more so?

Dr. Buffone:
I've been involved with affluent families through my work with businesses, many family-owned over the last 25 years. Wealthy parents aren't all that different than their less financially fortunate counterparts. They want what's best for their children for the most part, but they also have considerable resources that can help or harm their kids, depending on how they handle them. Sometimes wealthy parents use their affluence to pamper & over-indulge their kids' every whim or to cushion or negate important consequences that can teach valuable life lessons. Many affluent kids are well-adjusted except when they've gotten a steady dose of poor parenting -- then they're at risk for becoming Silver Spooners.

Rebecca:
In what ways does the wealth of parents hamper children's experiences of a rich life?

Dr. Buffone:
Only when it's poorly managed. When parents use their wealth to constantly “bail” kids out of trouble, use it to demonstrate their “love” instead of providing real love & limits, set poor examples by over-valuing money & things, these are the ways the richest parents become the poorest parents.

Rebecca:
What is the hardest word for wealthy parents to say, & why?

Dr. Buffone:
NO. & maybe harder when you have so much to offer. While this is a hard word for a lot of parents, it us absolutely necessary to raise healthy kids.

Rebecca:
What is the difference between needs & wants?

Dr. Buffone:
There are only 5 basic needs that parents must provide their kids; food, shelter, clothing, medical care, & love (including limits). Everything else is gravy, or wants.

Rebecca:
Why would anyone work, if they had money enough not to?

Dr. Buffone:
Only for the psychic rewards, enjoyment, to have a sense of purpose of accomplishment, to give back to the community. These are all reasons many affluent people become involved in philanthropy. I've met many wealthy individuals over the years that were miserable because they couldn't find anything constructive to do with their lives. Productive activity, whether it's called work or something else, is essential to our psychological health.

Rebecca:
Thank you, Dr. Buffone, for shedding some light on the plague of prosperity & how it affects our children. I appreciate learning how to keep my money in my wallet & happiness in my mind! Is there anything else you'd like to say?

Dr. Buffone:
Just to remind parents that there is no substitute for their time and attention, so give your kids hugs, not Hummers.

Rebecca:
Do catch my review of Dr. Buffone's Choking on the Silver Spoon & then get yourself a copy to find out how to raise real children in this land of plenty.

Rebecca Brown
Published 05/09/04