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Rebecca :
Kathleen, I relished reading your Priceless Weddings for Under $5,000, it brought back memories of our unique wedding ceremony & the fun we had putting it together - I wish I'd had your book then! What is the first worst mistake couples make?
Kathleen :
I think that the biggest mistake that some couples make is to get so involved in planning the wedding, they forget what a wedding is truly about - the deepening of their commitment through marriage. My advice to couples is to really concentrate on celebrating what marriage means to them. I believe that the bride & groom-to-be should spend as much time discussing all of the facets of marriage - including vows, children, personal beliefs, etc., as they do planning the wedding reception.
Rebecca :
I remember that well! Why is where you hold your ceremony so important?
Kathleen :
Location, location, location... Need I say more? The location you choose for your wedding &/or reception should reflect who you are, as individuals & as a couple. Is it rural or rustic or elegant? Is it at home, in a church or in a tropical island? No matter where you choose to tie the knot, that locale will become the hospitality center for all of your guests and the priceless festivities to follow.
Rebecca :
Do grooms have as many butterflies about what they're going to wear as do brides about their formal bridal wear?
Kathleen :
Several men I interviewed told me they chose not to wear a tuxedo, because they'd feel more comfortable in a nice suit. In general, most of the men were not that worried about their attire. Many said they just wanted to be a nice compliment for their decked out bride-to-be.
Rebecca :
What does food have to do with it? It was a revelation when my fiance muttered about serving a sit-down meal after the ceremony. Because it seemed to matter so much to him, I let him take care of it all. One of his good friends was an excellent cook & estimated the cost of the menu they agreed upon & served up a fine mess of vittles. Why not simply hire a wedding manager?
Kathleen :
One of the things I suggest the bride & groom do early on, is to sit down & discuss what their top priorities are for their wedding & reception. For some, food is a definite priority - it was for us (I am a trained chef & had chefs & food writers as guests at my wedding). For others, it may not be.
There are so many alternatives to serving a full sit-down meal. If a traditional dinner is not high on their priority list, the bride & groom may want to consider instead hosting a brunch, lunch, high tea, dessert or cocktail reception. Depending on the location, i.e., a restaurant or hall, there may be a catering manager on site to help you with all of your needs. If a couple wants to hire a wedding planner, that may also be right for them. Keep in mind, most wedding planners want to oversee much larger budgets then my book is discussing.
Rebecca :
We were married in a rural Grange Hall with a rich ritual ceremony designed both by my women friends & my beloved's men friends. We didn't once think about music other than enjoying a grand drumming festival afterwards. Is the music really that important, why?
Kathleen :
Again, it depends on the priorities of the couple. When they sit down to discuss what are the must-haves for their wedding, a live band, an instrumentalist or a DJ might be among their top priorities. If so, its important to make room for that in the budget. If not, there are many low or no-cost options to consider, e.g., making tapes, having a friend perform, hiring the church organist. It is really an individual decision.
For example, friends of mine that were married on the beach wanted to hear the waves without any additional music. Another couple who also married in the
sand & thought a harp would compliment the sound of the waves. For others, a string quartet may be the way to go.
Rebecca :
In Words of Wisdom you emphasize how newlyweds, who kept their guest lists to a minimum, felt the quality of their day was intensified by the intimacy of the smaller crowd. How can a couple with two sprawling tribes, graciously do this?
Kathleen :
If a couple truly wants to have an intimate wedding yet feels obligated to
invite everyone they know, they may want to consider having a very small
wedding & then hosting a large reception celebration at a later date.
I have interviewed many couples who used this technique as a way to manage their
weddings & still really focus on the vows & each other during the ceremony. The ceremony could be held at a wedding chapel, at the courthouse, on the beach at sunset or at an all-inclusive resort (which could double as the honeymoon.) In some cases there were witnesses attending or immediate family members, in others it was only the couple & the minister. It all depends on the priorities of the betrothed.
Rebecca :
One of the major moans I've heard, over the years, from physically & emotionally exhausted brides & grooms is that they wished they'd eloped. You address this in Take the Money & Run - what are the major drawbacks & plusses to eloping?
Kathleen :
Me too! I have also heard many tired couples exclaim if they had to do it all over again, they'd skip the angst of a large wedding & instead elope. For couples that are thinking about eloping, here are a few pros & cons to
consider:
PROS
You can get married whenever you want, on the spur-of-the moment or after careful planning.
You will probably save a bundle of money.
You won't be limited to a location convenient to your families.
You won't be ruled by the expectations of your families.
You can avoid on site family conflicts.
Eloping may eliminate a lot of the pressure & stress surrounding your nuptials.
The focus will be on the joy & love you share as a couple, not family politics.
CONS
Your family & friends may have hurt feelings, some may even be angry at you.
You will miss having the people you love as witnesses when you exchange your vows.
If you have the fairy tale fantasy, a wedding on the run might not do it for you. You may feel a sense of remorse: “What if I'd done it this way instead...”
Your families may not get a chance to meet your spouse until much later.
Your families may not get a chance to bond - for better or for worse!
Rebecca :
How do you know that you had a good wedding?
Kathleen :
Its been 5 years since I got married & my friends & family still talk about how much they loved my wedding - not bad for a $3,500 affair! Several of the guests told me it was the nicest they ever attended.
I attribute it to the fact that I really involved folks in the ceremony & reception. My cousins were in charge of playing the music, a friend taped the music, my maid of honor & my husband's best man officiated, another friend baked the wedding cake...
Over the course of the wedding weekend there were many opportunities for all of our families & friends to spend quality time together - getting to know each other. To me, celebrating marriage by spending quality time with family, friends & each other, is what makes a wedding so special!
Rebecca :
Do you have any publicity appearances planned & what are your next projects?
Kathleen :
As far as publicity, I am going to be a key note speaker at the Chicago Flower & Garden Show & have made several television appearances in the Chicago area. I also plan to begin work on a new book in the near future.
Rebecca :
My son & soon-to-be daughter-in-law have been enjoying your Priceless Weddings for Under $5,000 which I gave them. Thank you for putting it all down in simple & useful ways - you sure did give us something to talk about & a fun way to get to know each other!
Readers - I do encourage you to check out my review of Kathleen Kennedy's Priceless Weddings for Under $5,000 & consider giving a copy to everyone you know who is contemplating tying themselves up in nots, er...knots!
(Published April 15, 2001)
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