Rebecca Brown's Interview with
Mark Holofencer
Author of
Evan's Earthly Adventure

Rebecca:
Had you ever written a book before & how did you come to write this one?

Mark:
I have never written a book before this one, however I am working on another book, Searching for the Words, a parent/child book on improving communication between children & their parents. With Evan's Earthly Adventure, I found myself writing in a journal almost from the day of Evan's death, something I had never done before. Since my perception of life was changed immediately after the accident, I wanted to record my realizations & reflections so that I wouldn't forget them. It was a few months later that I discovered I was actually in the process of writing a book, something I never intended to do. I was also receiving messages that I wanted to include in the book from my dreams & it felt like I was getting help with my writing, which I certainly needed.

Rebecca:
Why do you think we are so reluctant to talk about people dying?

Mark:
People are afraid to talk about dying because of their fears about death & because they don't understand it & don't want to. If we don't deal with death then it doesn't exist. Of course that thinking is erroneous & unfortunately if we don't prepare for death then we won't do a good job of living. It's like preparing for anything. The more preparation you do the better the outcome will be. If people had a better understanding of death then they would have a much greater understanding of life & how to live it. People that are afraid of death are also afraid of life, & of course the reverse is also true.

Rebecca:
What would you tell parents about the time they spend with their children?

Mark:
From my own perspective, you never really know which day will be the last day you spend with your child. Anything can happen to anyone at anytime. No one is immune from death. We regret the things we don't do, never the things we do, for the most part. Families are together for a divine reason ... there are no accidents. It is our destiny to have the children we have, to love & appreciate them & for the members in the family to learn from each other, either by good or bad examples. To love our children is both our test & our joy at the same time. There are really no words that I can express how important it is to make every day count & to not leave things undone at the end of each day.

Rebecca:
Have people told you you really ought to “get over” Evan's death? How does that make you feel?

Mark:
People haven't dared to tell me to get over it, but most people never talk to me about Evan's death at all. They pretend it never happened. It's so much easier to talk about the weather or sports, & the color of one's grass. People that know of the accident are afraid to talk to me about anything at all. It makes me feel really sad. Sad for myself but mostly sad for those people that have so much fear that they can't open up & try & help another human being in their time of need.

Rebecca:
How did Evan's life & his death change you?

Mark:
Evan was & is an integral part of my life. He was such an amazing child that I was in awe of him the summer before his death. I had never before seen a human being reach their potential. We talk about doing the best we can, but I had never known anyone who actually lived up to that aspiration. He was a beautiful child, both inside & out, & his amazing determination to make the best of every day is an inspiration for me, & I think about him every day.

Thinking about him helps me to understand that I have a purpose on this earth & that is to learn the lessons I am supposed to learn from the experiences that are provided for me, whether I like those experiences or not. Everything about my life has changed, from the moment of his birth & now beyond his death.

I look at life differently now, & that's a good thing. Prior to Evan's death I knew so much on an intellectual basis, but now I am coming from a place of experience & I can honestly say it is a much deeper, more concrete place to base your life on, rather than a bunch of ideas, many gathered from other people. My priorities have dramatically changed, & they are now focused on helping others & taking time to be conscious & to live my life from a conscious perspective.

Rebecca:
How has Ryan coped with the death of his older brother?

Mark:
Ryan is having a hard time adjusting to being an only child & losing his brother, who was his best friend. Ryan has been thrust into a world which he never wanted, but he is doing the best he can to try & cope with this enormous loss. Ryan has learned a lot about life & death, & now has a view of life as part of the process of birth & death, & that the spirit world is a real place & that hell is here on earth. He has a wonderful perspective on life & death for someone his age, or for any age for that matter.

Rebecca:
Is Evan's Earthly Adventure for everyone in the family?

Mark:
I wrote the book for teenagers, to help them better understand this process of living & dying, but I have come to realize that the book is simply for who it is for. Adults can certainly get a lot out of the book & even younger children can get a glimpse from a different perspective than their own, which is always beneficial.

I want teenagers especially to read the book because there are too few families in which a teen can get real answers to their very real questions about the purpose of life, the true meaning of success & what constitutes happiness & to help them start the investigative process that will help them to find the answers many have been searching for but had no idea where to look.

Rebecca:
What do you hope Readers will take away from your book?

Mark:
That this life is precious & useful, regardless of the circumstances you are in. I have learned that “bad” isn't really bad, it all depends on your perspective. Also there is a benefit from learning about the bigger picture. It helps one to understand that their life is meant for a specific purpose & fulfilling that purpose is so important; much more important than the job we have or how much money we make.

A tragedy is oftentimes a wakeup call & we can either answer that call or choose to neglect it. It's our free will that will either lead us to a more conscious life or into numbness & neglect of the true purpose of having a human body.

Rebecca:
Thank you, Mark, for your thought-provoking & healing journal.

Do catch my review of Mark Holofcener's energetic & genuine account of Evan's Earthly Adventure -- I think you & your teenager will be greatly affected. I hope it makes you go out & buy yourself a copy!

Rebecca Brown
(Published 02/22/04)