Rebecca Brown's Interview with
Michael Gurian
Author of
The Wonder of Girls

Rebecca :
In the beginning of The Wonder of Girls you write about a Rite of Passage for a girl from the Australian First People's way. Coming up in post WWII England, I never had such an organic ceremony -- what rituals here in America do we have for our girls to go through & why are they important?

Michael :
It's terrible how little significant rite of passage ritual exists in industrial & post-industrial countries. Girls desperately need them to ground their life existence in meaningful relationships, work & futures. Through rites of passage, girls learn who they are. We probably won't re-ignite interest in them until we re-ignite interest in a three family system.

Rebecca :
You write about thinking Beyond Feminism. As a bra-burning Feminist of yore, I saw the tectonic shift in human thought Feminism brought about (not all of it productive -- political correctness has become a millstone around our necks!) & while I've left much of its angst behind (perhaps I've simply matured) -- Feminism sought to ameliorate one gender's oppression of another through transcending our biological imperatives. What has Biology got to do with the way girls look at life & why can't or shouldn't we "rise above" it?

Michael :
Biology is not something to rise above, but rather, to embrace. It simply is. Every moment we spend distracting ourselves from our own nature, is a moment of distraction from our individual truth as a human being.

Feminism has been very useful because it showed how powerful women can be. The study of biology shows us the same thing. Fortunately, the study of biology shows us much more about the authority women carry than does a non-biological ideology. Quite simply, feminism as it is practiced today is something that provides women better finances (in some cases) but limits them in many ways.

Rebecca :
As a family therapist who generally sees families in trouble, rather than happy ones, what are some of the basic reasons why families break down & when a girl experiences stress, what happens to her mind?

Michael :
The more individualistic a family tries to be, the more fragile it is -- the more likely to break down. Humans have always been raised in three families (nuclear, extended, communal.) Solutions to nearly all problems girls face lie in fixing areas of difficulty -- lack of attachment or traumatic attachment -- in one or more of these families. When a child is raised with under- nurturance or trauma, cortisol levels in the body & brain rise, & this is the neuro-chemical root of distresses like anorexia, depression. Genetics & social triggers of course play a part.

Rebecca :
With many women working outside the home to help keep the family solvent, how can mothers care for their daughters in a wholesome, character-building way? Why do mothers & daughters fight so much?

Michael :
The microcosmic answer is for the two to better understand each other's nature. This leads to better communication. The macrocosmic answer is for parents to make sure not just a mom, but a three family system is raising the girl. This decreases pressure on the mother-daughter relationship. Extended family, especially by the time a child moves to adolescence, becomes nearly as important as mom & dad. Extended family can mean non-blood kin, if blood kin live far away.

Rebecca :
Why is learning about how we're “wired” important?

Michael :
To live life without knowing who we actually are has got to be one of the most painful ways to live life. How much better it is for all of us if we ground our life-journey on self-knowledge. It is the job of our family systems to be mirrors of our nature, & point us to mirrors of our nature. This is the divine journey of a human lifetime.

Rebecca :
Thank you, Michael for taking the time out of your busy life to answer my questions & for all the books you have written about why we are the way we are. I have learnt so much from them!

Click here for my review of The Wonder of Girls
Click here for my review of A Fine Young Man. Buy yourself a copy from Amazon.com!

Rebecca Brown
(Published January 13, 2002)